10 things to consider before forgiving a cheater
We will be walking through the 10 things to consider before forgiving a cheater. Cheating has become so rampant in modern society though it started from time immemorial. Cheating is a horrible experience to go through. It is even more painful to the victim. It hurts so badly because it is a breach of contract in matters that concern the heart. Nevertheless, cheating can also affect a cheater negatively because they are filled with shame, anxiety, guilt, and regret. Cheating is a big dilemma that many people struggle with. It sucks to discover that you have been betrayed by someone you gave all your heart to.
It leaves you with so many thoughts and questions like “Where did I go wrong”?, “What did I do to deserve this”. Even after the incident, you are faced with many challenges on how to handle the matter. Deciding whether to leave or patch up things with your lover is your decision to make. In the case where you decide to forgive him/her, then you can consider these important points. But before forgiving him/her you have to make it crystal clear that you will not tolerate such a bad behavior the next time it happens. If someone repeatedly cheats on you, it is a clear sign that he/she has no intention of changing for the better.
1) Has he/she cheated before
If your lover has records of cheating on you or his other relationships, then the probability that he will continue cheating is high. It simply means he will hardly let go of that filthy habit. The adage, “once a cheater always a cheater” is not one hundred percent accurate, but it was created with some exposure to experience and truth. This doesn’t completely erase the fact that he/she can change. Different people cheat for various reasons. Some people just need help. You can recommend a counselor for your partner. One never knows this might change him/her completely.
2) What type of cheating was he/she engaged in?
There is a huge difference between a mistake and a deliberate action. Before making your decisions, you should first find out if your partner deliberately disrespected you or he/she made a mistake. For example, your partner has a one night stand with someone else because he was drunk or you guys had a fight is understandable. That situation can be seen as a mistake. But for someone having a planned sexual affair for years or months, that one is not a mistake but a planned act.
3) Who did he cheat on you with
A lot of people feel more betrayed when they are been cheated on with their best friend or a family member. It hurts because you didn’t expect that betrayal to come from your inner circle. It is so difficult to forgive in such situations. Some people prefer that you cheat with someone they don’t know. On the other hand, others prefer to be cheated on with someone they know because they instead feel safer. It all boils down to the individuals concerned. Just take your time before you make your final decision.
4) Are you capable of building trust again
It is difficult to rebuild trust again once it has been lost. When someone cheats on you, you lose trust in that person. If you can no longer build trust, then it is useless to proceed with the relationship. A good union is built on trust. So without trust, it can not work. To rebuild the trust you need to invest time and efforts, not forgetting a free and open mind. Once trust is broken in a relationship, it is difficult to rebuild. It needs time, efforts and an open heart to rebuild trust again. Even after forgiving, the union will hardly be the same again. It is just impossible for some people to trust again after being betrayed.
5) Is he/she making any efforts to patch things
Some people are good at making empty promises but when it comes to acting, they freak out. If you see that your lover is doing everything possible to make amends, then it’s a good sign that he is willing to change. He/she is worth forgiving. But if he is acting nonchalantly about it, then it’s a red flag that he no longer needs you. You just have to move on.
6) Is he/she worth it
People always make mistakes, no one is perfect. Is he/she worth giving another chance? Is the relationship worth fighting for? You need to take some time and reflect on the union. Some people are worth forgiving while some are not worth the drama and the pain. You just need to evaluate your partner’s character before taking any decision. Find out if you have been happy throughout or you have just been forcing things. If you realize that you were not fulfilled or happy, then there is no reason trying to mend the union. He/she doesn’t deserve your heart again. You deserve to be happy.
7) Can you deal with it
Are you prepared to go through that tough emotional journey? It requires patience and a forgiving heart to be able to face your partner after the ugly experience. Will you be able to do that. Some people react to it by constantly picking fights with their partner. Others constantly accuse their partners of still cheating even without any valid proof just because they can’t forget it.
8) What if the tables are turned
Of course, we will always want to consider the other scenario “What if the shoe were on the other foot?”. Everyone has his/her flaws so no one is perfect. Before you judge and condemn your partner, remember you could be in their shoes one day. Just because you have not cheated before does not mean that you can never do that. You are not a saint, everyone is bound to make mistakes.
9) Does he/she show any sign of remorse
Before you forgive your partner you should make sure he regrets his/her actions and is ready to make amends. If he/she doesn’t acknowledge their mistakes and instead tries to heap the blames on you, then they are not ready to change. Yes, you might be the reason why your lover had to flirt with someone else but it doesn’t mean that it should be used to justify their ugly behavior. This is one of the 10 things to consider before forgiving a cheater.
10) Will you always bring it up
When you forgive the people who hurt you, you instead do good to yourself. When you refuse to forgive you suffer from depression. Even when you forgive it is still difficult to forget. You must be ready to guard your mouth to avoid bringing it up to hurt your partner. Make it a habit to put your anger under check to avoid blowing up.
You need to consider this before taking your decisions. These are 10 things to consider before forgiving a cheater.