I Shouldn’t Have Married You

I shouldn’t have married you.

The wedding vows keep sounding in my head like our wedding was yesterday. For better for worse, in sickness and in health till death do us part. I still remember the day you proposed to me under fireworks, it was amazing. Our wedding was on the lips of everyone’s mouth. Such a wonderful wedding, everything was just perfect. But I shouldn’t have married you. I wish I could turn back the hands of time. All this time, I have been living in misery and pain. I have been so depressed and it’s like am losing my mind. This marriage feels like a cage to me. I regret ever saying yes. Now I am suffering from depression and it is killing me slowly.

You noticed that I have completely changed. I am no longer the happy and amazing wife that I use to be. You tried to question me if I have any problem but I refused to talk. I decided to keep it to myself. I don’t love you. When you came into my life, you showed me too much love that blinded me from acknowledging the truth. I don’t love you and I mean every word of it. Yes, you are handsome, rich, educated and of good character. You are every girl’s dream but not mine.

How did I get myself into this? How could I be this blind? I allowed pressure from family and friends to dominate me. I could have stood firm in my decision of not marrying a man I don’t love. See where it has landed me. Two years of misery and regret. My family talked me into accepted his proposal. Telling me I was going to live like a queen since he is rich. Little did I know marriage is not just about money. I almost called off the wedding but invitations had already been distributed, engagement pictures had already been taken and there were all over social media. We were the talk of the town. I just couldn’t call off the wedding because I could not take the shame. So I had to play along.

Now I am in pain. No one to share my pain with me, I am all alone. The marriage which was supposed to be a thing of joy seems to be like a prison. I feel like I am trapped. Here I am filing for a divorce barely one year after our marriage. I am sorry for hurting you this way but I just can’t help it. I wish I could love you back the same way you love me.

Time has passed but i still can’t get over my first love. I am deeply in love with my high school sweetheart. He means so much to me. I love him with all my heart but my parents didn’t like him because he is from a poor family. I will rather go back to him and live a happy life than to be swimming in wealth and still suffer from depression. Do not get married for the wrong reasons. Don’t allow yourself to be deceived by external parties. Make your decisions by yourself. So you wouldn’t have to say “I shouldn’t have married you”.

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